I was a pitcher. One day in college, I threw an 89mph fastball right down the middle of the plate. The hitter swung and PING! went his high-tech aluminum bat. He hit it good.
So good, in fact, that I watched it sink directly into my left thigh.
That ball was hit so hard that I didn’t have time to move a single muscle in my body in self-defense. The only part that could react fast enough – to what was probably a 100+mph line drive – was my eyes.
So, helplessly, I watched the ball all the way into my leg.
With a thud, it hit squarely into the meat of my quadriceps muscle. I quickly fetched it, threw to first, and got the out. My leg got an assist.
There’s no crying in baseball (or any sport).
This, we all know. And of course, I stayed true to this sentiment, popularized by Tom Hanks’ character in A League of Their Own. The truth of it, though, was that it didn’t actually hurt. I’ve been hit by three line drives as an adult pitcher: that one in college, plus two more – including another liner off my leg, on the second pitch of my pro career. None of them really hurt. Adrenaline does that to you.
You know what did hurt, though? When I learned that my career might be over, that I’d need a second season-ending Tommy John surgery.
I walked off the field. And cried in a way that I hadn’t since I was a little kid.
No crying in baseball? Fuck you. You haven’t had your dreams shattered in a single phone call.
What is tough, anyway?
Look. I’m tough.
I ran myself ragged in the weight room and on the track. I’ve been chewed out by coaches and wore it with a yes sir.
In college and pro ball, I pitched through excruciating pain and was more than happy to swallow 12 Advil a day to stay on the field (I do not recommend this). Pain is no problem.
But I’m not trying to live my life as an emotionally disconnected man. And you shouldn’t either.
I’m tough. But I’m not stupid. So I cry when I need to – because it helps me release bottled up emotions so I can work through them.
It’s hard.
Crying is an emotional release. Not a knock on your manhood.
Look. You absolutely need to be tough to be a good athlete, to be a good businessman, to be a good doctor, lawyer, whatever.
Being good at anything worth being good at requires lots of competition and failure. Toughness gets you through both.
Boo-hoo’s and allowing yourself to feel like a victim? It doesn’t get you very far.
But this life comes with a lot of serious emotional pain.
Family members get cancer and are killed in car accidents.
Parents divorce.
Girlfriends or boyfriends dump us.
We lose our jobs, get cut from the team, get sick or injured.
Are you better off not crying if you’re feeling intense grief from any of the above?
Absolutely not. If you need to cry or talk to someone – to let it out – then DO IT.
Real men work through their problems – including emotional ones – in a healthy way.
Crying is an emotional release. If you feel you need one, take one.
Crying in sports – when it’s okay
- NOT OKAY – Physical pain. If you get hit in the mouth with a soccer ball and start bleeding? Crying isn’t going to help you do your job on the field.
- NOT OKAY – Frustration. If you’re feeling screwed over on the field and frustrated, crying won’t help. It’ll just further the negative emotional spiral you’re experiencing.
- TOTALLY FINE – You suffer a major injury and are crushed, scared and disappointed for your future. I’ve been there – it’s hard seeing your future potentially going down the drain.
- TOTALLY FINE – The season or your career just ended, and you feel emotional about it. You put your heart and soul into your time on the field with your teammates, so this feeling is normal. If you need an emotional release, then take it.
- TOTALLY FINE – Terrible regular life things have happened and you’re struggling. Divorce. Death. Breakups. Other stuff. If you’re bottling up all your emotions, it won’t help you deal with them. Let them out by talking to someone. Cry if you want or need to.
Real men deal with their problems in a healthy, constructive way. This can sometimes mean crying. Do what you need to do to feel whole.
Recommended watching
When is it okay or not okay for an athlete to cry? Watch the video below.
Be sure to follow the Routine Philosophy YouTube channel. And watch the video below.