I shouldn’t wear this; people will think I’m weird.
I can’t be seen doing that; what will people say?
Everyone expects so much; it’s crushing me.
I live in a city. Washington DC. When you live in a city, you quickly learn that no one cares what you’re doing.
No one.
Wear a purple hat with a feather and skip to work.
Stop on the street corner and pick your nose. Really get in there!
Sit on a park bench and sing show tunes.
Yes, people will see you. And yes, they will – for a brief moment – register what you’re doing.
But after that half-second of looking, listening or gawking, they’ll reliably turn their heads back to what they were doing. They will retreat into their own self-absorbed world. People are hopelessly busy with their own problems and their own insecurities.
They didn’t see you. Rather, they saw a person. And then, they immediately unsaw that person as they turned back to their own life.
You’re anonymous.
It’s not just cities, though – it’s all aspects of our lives.
We all grow up trying to fit in. This need for conformity molds us into little sugar cookies sprinkled with fear:
The fear of not fitting in
The fear of being laughed at, talked about.
The fear of failing and not living up to expectations.
But.
Is this social pressure…actually real? The people we’re afraid of – those who will judge, point and laugh at us – are they out there? And if they are, are they actually paying attention to us?
What I learned as a pro baseball player – a profession chock full of opportunities to be publicly shamed and embarrassed – is that most people aren’t paying attention to you.
They’re worrying about their own stuff.
Afraid of their own things.
Doing their best to keep their own heads above water.
The very people we’re afraid of not impressing? They’re afraid of not impressing us, their boss, their parents, their own peer group.
The only person focused on you? It’s you.
And you are the one manufacturing – at a breakneck pace – a lot of the social pressure you feel. Not all of it, but a lot of it.
You do it by assuming others are watching, judging, preparing to pounce the moment you slip up or fall out of step.
Do your thing the way you want to do it. No one else is watching, and no one is holding you back.
Except you.